Monday, January 07, 2013

Fearless Forecast - Predictions for the Food Business in 2013

Giving predictions is "in" these days as it always is every new year. I would like to join the bandwagon by giving my own predictions for 2013. Fearless Forecast 2013.

1. First on the list of this 2013 predictions is about McDonald's. McDonald's will once again put out their "Twister Fries" sign. It will be for a limited time only. Then people will line up for it so they will have an extension of a week or two. It's going to be like in a concert where people shout "more!" then the singer will come out looking surprised and teary-eyed. Then he/she will belt out one of his/her most popular songs. Of course no one would suspect that he/she has expected that this moment would come. No one would think that he/she really practiced this song for this purpose. No one would think that the reason why this popular song was not part of the repertoire was because he/she expected that people would ask for more. You see this rarely happens. Well, people will not actually line up outside McDonald's and shout "more!". But you get idea. If not, just wait. You'll get it along with your large twister fries sometime in the 3rd quarter.  
2. Jollibee will also put out their own version of it , the "Crisscut Fries". Lines will not be as long as that of "Twister Fries" but nevertheless they will still extend for a week or two. This will give an impression that their crisscut fries is a must-have so people will be enticed to buy.
3. Jollibee, the mascot, will still be the most sought after guest in kiddie parties. He will continue to be the most photographed mascot. But sooner or later two Jollibee mascots will bump into each other unexpectedly. They will be seen by kids in one place which will cause confusion. "Mama, there are two Jollibee". "Dear, they are twins". Parents will complain because of the confusion and soon a re-electionist senator will file a bill prohibiting Jollibee from coming out ever again. But there will  be massive protests on the streets and on twitter so it will be amended. The new law will prohibit two Jollibee mascots from being in the same place at the same time. I'm not going to say that the re-electionist senator will try to convince Jollibee to support the RH Bill. If she/he does, management will refuse anyway. She/He should approach McDonald's. He is definitely more mature than Jollibee. (NOTE: whatever similarities you will find here and in another blog is purely coincidence. I don't want to be accused of plagiarisem -- I intentionally spelled that word that way so I wont be accused that I copied the word in wikipedia.)      
4. J. Co will continue to be popular. Lines will be really long like a box office hit. They will say they broke the box office record set by Go Nuts Donuts and Krispy Kreme but MMDA will release 'real' figures which will show that the sales they announced were padded. Nothing will come out of the investigation that will be called for by the senate. But anyway, what happened to Go Nuts Donuts and Krispy Kreme will also happen to it. Lines will become shorter. But  it doesn't mean they will close shop. They will continue to exists on a 'regular' status.
5. More actors and actresses will open restaurants taking inspiration from the likes of Regine Velasquez and Ogie Alcasid. But many of them will fail (not like Ogie and Regine). They will realize there is more to having a business than just shelling out capital.  They will also realize belatedly that holding press conferences in their restaurants is not profitable. Showbiz reporters write showbiz news and not food reviews.
6. Coffee shops will continue to be popular. Many small shops will open. Some of them will succeed but others will not (brilliant prediction of mine -- I'm the only so far who has predicted this). A popular coffee shop will close middle of the year. It is not Starbucks because they already issued their planners with freebies that they have to honor till the year ends. Should they want to close shop they would have to do it next year.
7. Mang Inasal and Chicboy will continue to compete. It will be a healthy competition -- like the food that they serve. One will try to 'buy' the other but negotiations will fail.The reason is that it will be named Chicboy si Mang Inasal which does not sound good. It will spark a  war between red ribbon (not the restaurant which is also owned by the group that owns Mang Inasal) conservatives and purple ribbon liberals.
8. Big pizzas are very popular now so all pizza parlors will try to have their own version of  it. Even Pizza Hut and Shakey's will come up with one. Just guess which one will come up with an 80-inch thin crust pizza with loads of cheese and hotdogs on the edge. But wait, there's more, they will have a "buy one, take one" offer. And delivery is free courtesy of their 'motorcycle' boys.
9. Max's restaurant will become famous because of its new endorser Coco Martin. The former model did not renew the contract because "hindi ako ang manok na kailangan nila". Fans of the former model will definitely get mad at me for saying this. They will post bad comments on twitter. But I'm not worried. Somebody more famous will take my side and make patol.
10. Buffet restaurants like Vikings, Dads, Buffet 101 and Yakimix will become more popular. They will put down their prizes so many people will go their restaurants. They will have a buy one, take one offer (the take one cannot be given to another person -- both has to be consumed by the same person on the same day). the really sad thing about the popularity of these buffet restaurants is that many people will become really fat. But I'll let you in on a rumor:  these buffet restaurants are said to be now owned by a famous beauty doctor and managed by a former doctor. This is not confirmed because the source they say is a former employee whose contract was not renewed because of reasons I cannot write here. But I'll carefully whisper them to you if you want.    

These are all jokes. Please do not take them seriously. I'm not referring to specific people except the ones directly mentioned here. Lahat, bukod sa mga tahasang tinukoy ay pawang kathang isip lamang. batu-bato sa langit, ang tamaan TATABA.

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